Resilience - The Key To Overcoming Any Difficult Situation And Live Your Best Life | Episode 9

In this episode Joanne discusses the topic of resilience, the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, increase yours and weather any storm with ease! 

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*This podcast does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment and its contents are intended for informational purposes only.

Transcript

Welcome to Episode Nine of our Full Spectrum Wellness Podcast. I'm so happy and excited to be back here with you for our nineth episode.

Life is full of ups and downs. When challenging experiences inevitably arise, you’ll want to be ready to rise to the occasion. Your ability to bounce back after a transition or hardship determines whether most of your life is enjoyable and meaningful or troublesome and frustrating. This idea can be summed up in one word: resilience. The more resilient you are, the quicker you’re able to re-adjust to a situation and move forward in life.

Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, the ability to bounce back from life's adversities, stressful events, and emotionally-taxing situations, and move forward by growing through every part of life’s process. Struggling is a natural part of living. What matters is how we react to struggle.

It's easy to let difficulty keep us down. It isn’t easy to stay afloat when the waters are rocky, and it’s okay to feel that struggle. Resilience is associated with toughness. Part of being tough means admitting to difficulty and working through it instead of ignoring it. 

Resilience allows us to grow, heal, and overcome situations instead of letting hard times get the best of us. It’s the key to overcoming any difficult situation and living a better life.

Physical resilience is our body's capacity to face and accomplish physical challenges, maintain stamina, and recover from injury. Physical resilience can be important if you have a major life-altering injury or find yourself in a life-threatening situation.

Mental resilience is when you are able to think clearly, be flexible, and creative. In many ways, mental resilience is your ability to problem-solve, conceptualize goals, and execute strategies. Without it, you might not be able to effectively think through tough situations.

Emotional resilience is your ability to accept adversities and find positive outlooks in dire circumstances. Emotional resilience is closely connected to emotional intelligence, emotional awareness, perseverance, and optimism.

Community resilience deals with a community's ability to be resilient and respond to adverse situations.

I want to bust some myths about resilience…

• Myth: Resilient people don't feel sad. This is a common misconception. Being tough doesn't mean that you cannot feel any emotions. Re-building starts by looking at the damage and understanding it, so you can move forward.

• Myth: Resilient people don't take breaks. This myth is false because sustainability of your lifestyle is of the utmost importance, and that means structuring your time to include self-care. It’s not easy to stay consistent with considering yourself when you have so much going on.

• Myth: You were either born resilient, or you never will be. Contrary to this belief, it's completely possible to strengthen your resilience on purpose. Skills to build this ability are straightforward and will make big, positive changes in your life.

• Myth: If you're not resilient, it only means you have a bad attitude. A negative attitude can slow down progress, but it isn’t the deciding factor in resilience. Strengthening resilience also has to do with taking positive action and changing negative behaviors.

• Myth: Resilience is only beneficial in times of difficulty. This belief is false because the skills involved in resilience positively impact all areas of life. They improve relationships, enthusiasm, and drive, regardless of the state of your life.

• Myth: If you’re resilient, you won’t have any more problems. Unfortunately, life isn’t always perfect. It ebbs and flows and we cannot always control it. Implementing these skills as habits will help you in times of ease and times of stress.

Some of the most common adversities we face in life include:

• Changing careers 
• Work related stress
• Divorce
• Death of a loved one 
• Financial problems
• Moving house
• Having children

Common events that occur in life include:

1.    Major life events, those events that have a lasting impact on your life. This can include the death of a loved one, terminal disease, divorce, loss of a job, something that will impact your life significantly. 

2.    Temporary events, those events that disrupt your daily life but do not last more than a month or so. Things such as the flu, a tough deadline at work, your child’s upcoming math exam, or a tough criticism said by your significant other are all temporary problems. 

3.    Daily events, those events that we face every day. Everyday household chores, getting stuck in traffic an annoying co-worker, or finding the time to exercise regularly are all daily problems. Daily problems rarely have a significant impact on your life.  

Consider these ideas as you think about your own resilience:

1. First responses. When something initially begins to trouble you, how do you

respond? Maybe you bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away. Perhaps you just ignore the situation and pretend it isn’t happening.

If you’re resilient, you’ll choose to approach the situation head-on, and

promptly. You’ll define the issue, consider your options, and make a plan.

You’ll set out right away to resolve the situation before it becomes a

full-blown issue. Promptly employing problem-solving skills will help you avoid a major meltdown.

 2. Approach to past events. Do you try to forget about your prior challenges?

Instead, try applying what you learned from them to navigate present or future

situations. When you reflect on what you’ve been through, you’ll think about

the mistakes you made. But, you’ll also be excited about how well you handled some situations and use those same skills again. The energy required to try to forget something important draws heavily from your present resilience, wearing it down. Alternatively, focusing your energies on the lessons and skills you’ve learned from past experiences builds your resilience.

3. Daily practice. Do you work to accomplish something, however small, each

day?Or do you find yourself watching entire days go by while you sit and brood or feel sad or angry? In order to improve your resilience, consider each day an opportunity to do something positive, even if it’s just one thing.

On a day off, this might be something as simple as going for a walk or

cleaning the living room. Your practice today could even be finishing a

novel or calling a friend you haven’t talked to in ages. What you do with

your life each day provides meaning for you.

4. Your support network. Do you have plenty of friends and family to call on if you need something? Resilient individuals build a supportive system of people they can visit, call, talk to, and turn to whenever they hit troubled waters.

If you feel like you’re all alone, start building your support network today

by setting a goal to make one new friend within the next month.

5. Who matters to you most? Do you treat yourself as if you’re the most

important person in your life? When you take care of your own needs, you’ll be

more resilient when a crisis knocks on the door. If your own health and living

situation are at the top of your priority list, you’ll be prepared to face any hardship, be it emotional or physical. Taking the time to keep yourself in tip-top shape physically and mentally builds your reserves of resilience whenever trying situations and events occur.

You might be skilled, talented, educated, and brilliant. But, if you’re not resilient, persistent, and gritty, you’ll never make the most of those other attributes.

Think about the five most successful people you know. On the average, they’re probably not that talented. However, they know how to get things done and persist.

When you practice the skills that go into being resilient, you'll notice positive changes in your life. Bouncing back from adversity doesn't mean that things will just get back to normal, but that they will get to an even better place.

Resilience strengthens motivation and drive. You'll begin to feel more empowered when you practice these resilience skills. For example, being able to look at a situation objectively will help you take more responsibility for your happiness. This will strengthen your confidence and willingness to take risks.
 
Resilient people make good leaders. Part of being resilient means knowing what you can do and being transparent about what you struggle with. Good leaders are able to admit when they need extra support. Strengthening resilience will increase your ability to problem-solve and ask for direction.
 

Self-awareness and self-motivation increase when resilience increases. Knowing yourself means knowing when too much is on your plate and when you need to take a break. Setting boundaries with people, work, and yourself will get easier as you practice resilience skills.

Improving resilience will build your ability to accept the truth of what life throws your way. You'll always know that things will get better, and you'll find that you worry less about the worst-case-scenario. 

 Try these techniques to increase your resilience:

• Stay in contact with others. When times are tough, it’s natural to crawl into a hole and be by yourself. This is a mistake. You’re more capable with a support system. Give up the idea that strong people take on the world by themselves. You’re stronger when you have help and support. Maintain your relationships.

•  Develop your emotion regulation skills. Despite how it may sometimes feel, you have the freedom to choose your thoughts and reactions to certain stimuli. It's important to understand that feelings and thoughts are not facts. The best way to begin working on changing your attitude about this is by simply noticing your thoughts. One thing you can do when you're in a negative emotion spiral is to take a step back and reframe the situation. It's easy to fall into traps where we tell ourselves stories about the worst-case-scenario. If you find that you're lost in a negative assumption, try balancing out your negative thoughts with positive possibilities. Part of being resilient is being able to sit with emotions. You are allowed to have negative emotions, and you're allowed to admit it when you do. You can find ways to have the emotions without acting on them.Mindfulness skills are a great way to access calm in the chaos. A helpful way to build yourself up is by adding to your positive memory bank. No matter how small, the more happy memories you have, the better. Getting out and doing something fun is a great way to come out of your shell and increase good feelings. You can also practice gratitude, balance your thoughts, and explore your hobbies. 

•  Take responsibility for your path. You have every bit of power within you to create the life you want to create. No matter where you're now, you get to choose your next step. You can look at your life objectively to observe what could change, what needs help, and what you're proud of. Begin by getting curious about your thoughts and behavior. Look at your situation and examine if there is a role you played in this. Sometimes it's hard to admit or hard to see. Taking responsibility requires humility. If you do owe someone an apology, make it as soon as you can and keep the conversation an open dialogue. It can be difficult to move forward from a difficult situation or to make an apology when you're carrying around resentment. You can forgive others without their help. Work on forgiveness exercises frequently in order to move past resentment for your own development. If you want to change, begin making changes by making small adjustments to your daily routine. By working these things into your morning or evening habits, you'll be better able to stick to them. Set reminders that will go off throughout the day, so that you remember to practice mindfulness. You can also check in with your feelings and see what you can learn from each moment. 

• Have high hopes. It’s easier to stand strong when you expect things to improve. Consider every bad time in your life. Haven’t things gotten better every single time? When you know better times are ahead, grit and resilience are easier to demonstrate. Focus on a positive outcome.

• Know that the most successful people are those with the most resilience. It might be easy to be wealthy and successful but becoming wealthy and successful is anything but. The most successful people were willing to take on challenges that the average person would avoid like the plague.

• Take excellent care of yourself. No matter what is going on in your life, you still need food, rest, love, exercise, and fun. Take good care of yourself and you’ll be in a better position to weather challenges. Most people ignore their needs during difficult times, but this is a huge error.

• Be active, not passive. It’s easier to last when you’re doing something to make progress. Rather than passively waiting for things to get better, take steps to improve the situation. If there is something constructive you can do, do it.

• Give yourself mental breaks. No matter how resilient you may be, take regular breaks to recharge your batteries. What is your favorite way to take a mental break? You could watch a movie, read a book, or go play horseshoes with a friend. Do whatever works for you.

• Remind yourself of all the adversity you’ve overcome since childhood. No one’s life is smooth sailing 100% of the time. You’ve already overcome many obstacles. Remind yourself of your past successes during challenging times. You’ll have the fortitude and motivation to continue.

• Live a life that revolves around your interests. If you have a job you hate, it’s hard to have a lot of grit and resilience. It’s much easier to have perseverance while doing something you love. Find a career and hobbies that you love. The need for grit is much lower!

•  Hang around with resilient people. You become more like the people you spend the most time with. Choose your friends wisely. You’ll become a stronger person if you hang out with strong people. Find some people you want to be more like.

• Cultivate a strong community. Having a community strengthens resilience greatly because it adds so much meaning to life.Strong community increases feelings of purpose and strength. Having others around who care and love deeply adds security to life. Difficult things are made bearable by those we surround ourselves with. There are many ways to build a stronger community with the those you do know, and begin new relationships with those you don't know. Think about your community and how you might want to adjust it. You can participate in activities with existing friends or join a club and try something new with a new group of people. It's helpful to be authentic when you're interacting with others in order to build the strongest connections. When you're communicating with those around you, there are a few things to keep in mind. Be aware of your body language. Having an open and receptive posture makes you more approachable. Active listening means truly engaging in the conversation, and it will let the people you care about know that you're there for them. Use your community to hold you accountable. Having a support group surrounding you will build you up during difficult times and celebrate with you when life is good. When you're trying new things and setting new goals, use your community to keep you in-line with the way you want to live your life.

• Strengthen your relationship with yourself. Self-compassion is the key to resilience because it prioritizes your relationship with yourself. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish.Loving yourself isn't selfish. By truly giving yourself the care and attention that you need, you'll nurture all forms of growth.A vital part of self-compassion is recognizing critical self-talk.Begin by simply observing the negative phrases you tell yourself on a daily basis. Once you notice what you say to yourself, work on coming up with balancing thoughts that are positive and reaffirming.Praise yourself for your hard work and willingness to change.Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. Choose a self-compassion activity that works for you and make it a regular part of your life. 

• Get your body in motion. Exercise is an excellent remedy for both mental and physical health.Physical benefits are boundless.Psychological benefits are also a huge part of exercise. By creating new neural pathways in the brain and releasing feel-good chemicals, exercise is a natural medicine for mental health. It eases anxiety, depression, stress, and other distressing issues. Confidence and feelings of self-worth increase with exercise. This is an important skill to add to your habits, so it's important to find a way to exercise that works for you.

• Challenge yourself. Building resilience starts with you. Your resilience starts when you start taking action. Moving forward means you need to take the first step. When you come to feel empowered over your life, you can take any action you need to in order to create the life you want to live. Challenging yourself means encouraging yourself to go after your full potential. Setting goals pushes you strive for what you're capable of. Believe in your best and go for it. Start by thinking of your wildest dreams. Set up some long-term goals and then start with short-term goals. Short-term goals are valuable stepping stones. Set goals each week to help move you forward. 

• Living according to your values. You can use your set of values to give you guideposts that will lead you toward the life you want to live. If you can imagine what your values look like in action, you can start following those actions. If you have a decision to make or a step to take, consult your values.

Following these seven steps will help you to build your resilience and find a strength that you never realized you had.

It can appear difficult to implement new habits, especially when they involve making big changes in your life. Keep in mind that you can learn something from everything you encounter, and this is a good opportunity to learn something that will improve your self-worth and enthusiasm for life. When you're learning something new, it's easy to beat yourself up for not getting it immediately. Let go of self-judgment and try something new. If it doesn’t work out the first time, see what might work for you in the future and go from there. 

Go easy on yourself when you're seeing what works for you. Keeping a journal can help you get your thoughts out so that you don’t have to keep them in your brain. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to have so many thoughts swirling around like a whirlpool. Writing it out can help ease that feeling. Set a timer for 10 minutes and write whatever comes to you, even if it doesn’t make sense. One of the skills you’ll learn emphasizes the importance of building community. You can use this skill to implement changes you want to make by asking for accountability. Having people around you who know the changes you're trying to make will remind you of your goals.As your self-awareness improves, so will your ability to maintain a positive outlook on your progress. If you can look back at the work you do and be proud of yourself even if you were not perfect, you'll be more confident in your ability to grow. 

Part of resilience is facing difficult things head-on. That can bring up some difficult emotions.

Challenges, transitions, and hardships will invariably arise in your life from time to time. If you confront situations immediately, use knowledge gained from prior trying events, and build your support network, you’ll be on your way to constructing resilience for the future.

Do one small thing for yourself each day, and before you know it, you’ll weather any storm with ease!

I’ll leave you with one final thought, well question really, “what could you do with your life if you were the most resilient person you knew?” You’d be unstoppable!